


Blindsided

by ButterflyBunny



Series: Avengers' Infinite Playlist [17]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, POV Tony Stark, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Songfic, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:16:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7193039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyBunny/pseuds/ButterflyBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Repair. [rəˈper]</p>
<p>The action of fixing or mending something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony makes a call. Then another one… And another one…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blindsided

**Author's Note:**

> The events here take place around the same time the previous instalment of this series "[The Bell Jar](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7111468)" take place.

_[(My Eyes – The Lumineers)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PB_VodQgr8) _

 

He spends the next days trying to get his mind occupied, failing miserably since he can only think about the small cheap phone that he keeps safe in his bedroom’s nightstand. Peter comes and goes, he barely sees the kid, not for the lack of wanting – he was a great kid, and very smart too – but because he didn’t want his aunt to suspect about the whole Peter being Spiderman thing. Rhodey decided to stay in a rehabilitation facility instead of letting Tony pay for the best therapists to visit the compound.

Vision doesn’t quite talk to him, nor he ignores him. Just like Tony most of his days, he goes through the motions. Whether is out of guilt for what happened with Rhodey or perhaps because of Wanda’s absent, he doesn’t talk about it, Tony often thinks about him spending more time with Opal.

At least he got custody of the cat.

Pepper calls him almost every day. She talks about everything but whatever happened in Siberia, Tony isn’t sure why he told her but didn’t tell Rhodey or Vision – The last one might know anyways – She ends up talking about Joy or Happy, and about the meetings he now attends often.

It isn’t until one night, when Rhodey hadn’t called in a few days, Vision continues locked in his room, and Peter had to cancel their movie night, that he finally grabs the phone dialling the only number in it.

He feels relieved that after a few rings it goes to voicemail. 

“I’m still angry” He says, “And I still believe I did the right thing, even after all that happened, after Rhodey, after…” He swallows the nod in his throat, remembering the way Steve stood between him and Bucky, “I’m still angry”

And he hangs up.

 

* * *

 

He considers starting drinking again, but every time he starts his mind travels to the last time he did it. When Steve found him in the kitchen floor a drunken mess, he remembers him cradling him in his big arms while he drenched his pyjama shirt with tears and snot. How could Steve wanted him after seeing him like that? God, when did he became so helpless? But he really isn’t. He’s better and he hates is in part because of Steve.

So he tries to ignore the need to lose himself in the bottom of a glass of scotch and after a few days he almost completely forgets about it.

 

* * *

  

“Mr. Stark” Peter calls from behind the couch.

It was Peter himself who came up with the idea of carrying on the... Charade that he had received a scholarship. Tony told Pepper the same lie and she believed it – at least he likes to think she did – they even had his aunt May visit Stark Tower a few days before and she was thrilled with the idea of Peter having a possible future there. Tony then revealed to him the location of the Avengers compound and the kid found it without problems.

They are in the common room, Tony is reading a few documents Pepper sent earlier that morning and Peter is getting some homework done. _Ick_. He had already told Peter he could use the library, even Vision who spends most of his time there told him it was fine, but Peter likes the living room, he says it has more light and the quiet of the library drove him crazy.

“You can call me Tony, Peter” Tony says for what feels the hundredth time.

Peter’s head appears from behind the couch. He has this habit of laying on the floor while he reads, Opal curled up in his side since Vision had locked himself in his room. Thing he did very often, and Tony pretends that he doesn’t care that Vision seems to be avoiding him like plague. He takes his eyes off the papers he’s reading and Peter shrugs.

“Just checking if you had fallen asleep” He says, “You look tired, Mr. Stark”

“Tony” He grunts, “And I feel just fine”

“Feeling and looking fine are complete different things” Peter says.

He stands from the floor and Opal runs away. Tony ignores him, the papers Pepper sent him are apparently very important, mostly PR things about SI which he had completely abandoned according to the woman. But you can’t blame him given… everything that had happened the past months. He leans on the couch and rubs his eyes.

“We are friends right?” Peter asks all of sudden.

Tony raises an eyebrow, “Colleagues” he corrects, “I don’t know if I should be calling a fifteen year old that leaves crumbs in my three thousand dollar couch and insists on studying in the floor, my friend”

Peter snorts, “Alright, alright, ‘ _colleagues_ ’” he makes air quotes and throws himself in the couch, “I was thinking that we should totally work on Mark… What would this be 60?”

Tony shakes his head, “No”

“Mark 59 then” Peter grins.

“I’m not-“ Ironman anymore, “I’m retired” He says, " _Partially_ retired"

Tony looks at him and presses his lips. He wasn’t about to argue with the kid about his decision, in part because it hadn’t being his decision entirely, he found himself forced to retire after all. He doesn’t regret signing the accords, about that he’s at least 86 percent sure still, but he prefers taking care of Rhodey – The man needed his help, his support, even if he made Tony feel useless most of the times – He is going to focus on Stark Industries. He knew the Avengers initiative was… on hold. But then, why did he dragged Peter into all of this? He was desperate. For a teammate? Someone who supported his decision or maybe a friend.

“Jeez, you left for a while” Peter says, “It happens to be too, I think is because we are above average, very smart, aunt May says I’m _too_ smart but I think the isn’t such thing as-“

“We should work on Spiderman” Tony blurts.

Peter stops his rambling, like Tony stopped his internal one, and his jaw hangs for a few seconds. 

“I’m not- It won’t be for you to use freely, the accords… I don’t know what they will let people like you do, but until I do…“ He trails off, ignoring the way Peter opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water. 

Peter nods firmly a few seconds later.

Vision had taken his time to explain Peter what the accords were. Hint, they were a lot more than Captain America being wrong but thinking he’s right, like Tony explained when he… Recruited him. Tony runs a hand through his face, he has work to do and he wasn’t getting any done if he was tired. He excuses himself with Peter and gather the papers before leaving. 

“Rest some, Tony” Peter says before the elevator door closes.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t rest.

He gets to his room and toes his shoes off, takes off his tie and unbuttons his shirt. All this time his eyes were buried in shield that remained in the corner of his room, covered with a blanket, gathering dust already even if it hadn’t been long enough for it to look like it did. He sits on the bed, rubs his eyes tiredly and then remembers where the small and cheap phone was hidden in the night stand. He doesn’t remember when was that he called, so he opens the drawer and pulls out the phone, dialling the only number saved in the contacts.

Again there is no answer. So he leaves another message.

“Who won, Steve?” He asks, “Was it me? Do you think I did? Because I felt like I did, sometimes I do, and then I look at Rhodey, I look around me and I see everyone’s gone” he’s breathing through his nose, “And you left me and I can’t even get rid of that stupid shield”

He ends the call and throws the phone on the bed. He still angry and hurt. He still loves Steve so much.

 

* * *

 

The shield remains in the same spot, still gathering dust.

 

* * *

 

Peter doesn’t remind him about what he said. But Tony remembers about a week later and takes him down to the workshop, this one is bigger than the one in the tower, and the one in his mansion in Malibu. There isn’t many things since he hadn’t been able to use it, but Dummy is there and that’s what catches Peter’s attention. The small useless thing follows Peter around while Tony finishes uploading FRIDAY into the server so that Peter can use the workshop if he’s not there.

“Tony, what is this?”

Tony looks up from the computer he’s working on and sees Peter pointing at the pile of boxes that’s sitting in the corner of the workshop. 

“I haven’t finished unpacking” He says, “I’ll get someone, leave it” he adds.

“I could help”

Tony nods, not looking at Peter nor paying attention to what he said. Peter shrugs and opens the first box since Tony didn’t exactly said he couldn’t. He frowns when he looks inside and there are only books, small novels and a few notebooks, he was actually expecting old ironman scraps or maybe trinkets Tony never got rid off, like the old arc reactor – Vision was the one who explained to him what that was, and well that only made him admire Stark more – that he kept in the common room with a small plaque that read ‘Proof that Tony Stark has a heart’.

He picks up a red moleskin first and takes a peek inside. Oh.

“You... draw?”

Tony frowns, “No”

Peter raises an eyebrow, “Okay” he says slowly.

Tony looks at him and sees the red notebook in his hands.

“That belongs to Steve” He says, looking back at the computer.

Peter blinks.

He knows who Steve is. Captain America. He is about to say something when Tony walks over to where he is and takes the notebook from him, throwing it inside the box almost angrily. He closes the box and Peter realises is labeled “Bedroom”, that’s when he remembers about Steve’s and Tony’s relationship. He swallows.

“I apologize- I didn’t mean to-” Peter starts.

“No, _I’m_ sorry- I was-“ Tony stammers, “That’s- is not mine so- um- I’m going to leave this over there” he says. 

Peter nods.

Later that day, after Peter and him are already focused on their work – A bullet resistant fabric because _"kevlar is too heavy, Tony"_ – Peter casually asks about Steve. Tony doesn’t realise he answers until he’s in the middle telling Peter that the chair he’s sitting in was for Steve if he wanted to be in the lab with Tony.

"He did a lot less talking that you but-"

He stops and turns to find Peter looking at him curiously.

“You are good” Tony says, the kid could be a lawyer if he wanted, a cop or maybe a detective.

“So you two were…” Peter waves his hands, Dummy makes a few beeping noises and Peter chuckles.

Tony sighs heavily, “It’s- not anymore… I think” he finishes, because is not like Peter has anyone else to talk about that with.

Peter, who is oiling Dummy, licks his lips before saying, “You think”

“What?” Tony asks, “Pass me that”

Peter passes him a screwdriver, “You said you think is over, you know- you are not dating or whatever, which means you didn’t explicitly said it was, which means-”

“I don’t want to talk about that anymore” Tony says.

“Do you still like him?” He asks, and when Tony doesn’t answer he says, “Love… him?”

Tony lets the screwdriver fall on the table, making a loud noise and Dummy beeps rolling away from them, “I don’t want to talk about that”

Peter nods.

When Peter is gone that day and Tony had already taken a bath until the smell of oil if gone from his skin he goes back to the workshop, opens the box and takes the notebook with him. When he’s in his room he looks inside. No wonder why Peter wanted to talk about Steve and him, the first drawing is of Tony, laying in bed sleeping, at least is just his face. He swallows remembering Steve’s first time, how he woke up with the man looking at him from afar. He also remembers their conversation, when Steve kissed his lips.

_I don’t want anything from you but you, even if we fight I just want you._

It sounded like a promise and Tony wonders if Steve remembers it as one too.

“Is it over, then?” He asks, he changes the phone from his left ear to his right one, “I win but I lose because you are not here? Where’s the logic in that?” he chuckles sadly, “Maybe the winner doesn’t take it all, mm?”

 

* * *

 

He asks Pepper to avoid press conferences, the only one he was part off was a disaster. All they cared about was where did Tony and Steve’s relationship ended, and well, is not that Tony doesn’t want to answer because he is almost as interested as them to know. Pepper takes over then, ignoring questions about Tony’s personal life and taking the ones about Stark Industries and Tony’s full support of the Sokovia Accords.

Tony doesn’t hide, but he tries not to leave the Avengers facility unless very necessary. He visits Rhodey at the rehabilitation center from time to time, he calls him everyday, Vision and Peter manage to fill the void the other Avengers left, they spend time in the library and he spends time with the kid in the workshop. He starts feeling like himself again, like he can breath better now. That is until the fourth of July arrives and he can’t sleep because of the fireworks lighting up the skies in the city, becuase even though is pretty far he can still hear the explosions.

“Even though you didn’t call me for mine” He chuckles nervously, he swallows, “Happy birthday”

He is about to hang up when Steve speaks, “ _Steve’s birthday is tomorrow, Fuhrman_ ”

“What? No,” Tony frowns looking at the calendar “And what did you call me?” he stammers, “Who is this?”

“ _Sam_ ”

“Oh” Now he understands the Mark Fuhrman… joke.

“ _Steve’s birthday is July 5th, people just think is on the 4th because… Well, you know, good marketing or whatever_ ”

Tony can’t help but laugh, after all those years knowing eachother he never thought about asking Steve about that. Well, now he feels really stupid.

“ _Why are you calling him?_ ” Sam asks.

Tony’s laugh dies down, “What?”

“ _Is it just to make him feel even more guilty about what happened?_ ”

Tony is taken aback by that. The he understands where Sam is coming from, Steve is his friend and they are hiding God knows where because of him. Well, because of the accords, so they are hiding because of him and 117 countries more. He also guesses that Steve didn’t tell Sam about what happened in Siberia, about his parents.

“I...” Tony clenches his jaw.

“ _Yeah,_ that _sounds like you_ ” Sam says, “ _I, me, myself_ “

“What is your problem?” Tony says, “I did what I have to do to protect the people I care about” he says.

Sam waits a few beats, “ _So did Steve_ ”

And this time he hangs up on Tony.

 

* * *

 

He thinks a lot about that later.

He never understood why did Steve hid the fact that Bucky killed his parents from him, why did he leave the shield behind, why did he refuse to sign the accords even _before_ Barnes entered the picture. Steve was protecting them. Tony from finding out about the horrible truth, Bucky and Tony from each other, maybe even himself because even though Tony tends to forget about it, Howard and Steve were friends. 

But Steve was afraid too. Afraid that his friend will be locked down, that the Avengers and people like them, who fought to protect others would be hunted down, that Tony would give him his back once he refused to sign the accords. Inevitably it all happened.

If Tony doesn’t know the difference between saving the world and destroy it, Steve doesn’t either, but he does know the consequences. 

Peter gets to him again eventually, a few days later while they are on the lab he tells him about a conversation he had with Vision, about the accords. Tony tells him that Steve didn’t leave because of that, the accords were just a fraction of the problem, and he tells him about Bucky, not about his parents, but about Bucky. Peter went to the Captain America exhibition so he knows as much as everyone else about James Barnes, so Tony tells him about the Winter Soldier.

“Maybe him leaving wasn’t a bad thing” Peter says quietly, “Not completely at least” He says, “Maybe he knows you would have help him hide eventually”

Because you love him.

He doesn’t that.

“You know, Parker, May was right” Tony says, “You _are_ too smart”

Peter smiles widely and takes it as a compliment.

 

* * *

 

“If we had have more time, Steve, maybe things would have been different” Tony says that night when he calls, “But I don’t need time alone, without you, I don’t need time to know that I love you” he says, “Still”

 

* * *

 

“What is that?” He asks Peter, who enters the living room with a FedEx box.

“I found it outside my house” Peter says, “Has your name on it, though”

“That could be a bomb! Or antrax!” 

“Is just a bunch of papers” Peter raises an eyebrow.

Tony sighs and covers his face, “You opened it already, of course you did”

Peter leaves the package in the couch while he goes to the kitchen, takes an apple from the fruit bowl and opens the fridge. Tony reaches for the package and takes out his content, there are indeed a bunch of papers inside, also, a small yellow post-it attached to the fist page.

_The more you know, Mr. Stark._

_-MM._

He frowns at that. The sound of Peter biting the apple against his ear almost makes him jump. Almost. He read the first few pages, passing the pages to Peter as he finished, whoever sent that to Peter, knew his fair share about the law. What he was reading was what could be a way of helping James Buchanan Barnes. Peter reaches inside the box and finds a small business card, he gives it to Tony, who reads the back of it.

**Nelson & Murdock. Attorneys at law**

 

* * *

 

He has Pepper take a look at it the next day, his lawyers refused to touch Barnes’ case – Of course he was doing his best to get Steve the help he actually needed – but this men, whoever they were, had done it. Maybe they were half way, but it was more than Tony had expected. Pepper agrees, and when he tells Vision he is as impressed as Pepper was. He doesn’t tell Rhodey just yet, he wants him to focus on his recovery, but he does explain Peter.

All he needed was tell Steve about it. That night he waits until he’s completely alone in his room to make the call. And he is so tired, that maybe he imagines Steve answered this time.

“Listen, I-“

“ _Tony_ ” Steve says at the same time, as if he was waiting for him to call. 

The weariness of his tone of voice and the painted picture of Steve in Tony’s head makes him forget about the rest. It makes him forget about the lawyers, about Barnes, about the accords and Siberia.

“ _You… You wanted to tell me something_ ” Steve says and is not a question.

He knew him so well.

He is so tired.

“You said if I needed you I could call” He says with the phone against his ear, “I need you to be sorry” A pause, “and I need you to forgive me, and Steve I-“ He takes a deep breath, “I need you”

He closes his eyes trying to imagine Steve is next to him.

“ _Aright, Tony_ ” Steve says, a tremble in his voice, “ _Alright_ ”

He falls asleep without realising it and after almost three months of nightmares he is finally able to dream. And when he does, he dreams of Steve.

 

 

 

_“What did you do to my eyes?... Promised it all but you lied, you better slow down soon… It's all or nothing to you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> In case the mention of Matt Murdock seems confusing, please check "[The Oyster](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6235030)" and "[I Remember Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6073078)".


End file.
